The Problem With Worry

Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week is "worry".  Questions were asked to help us come up with a creative scribbling, but I feel the urge to reply uncreatively, at least for a start. Here goes:

Are you a worrier?  YES!

Know one?  Aside from me? My Dad

Is there a particular worry that you can't shake?  A lot

Ways of coping with worrying? Prayer and Meditation on God's sovereignty and goodness

It's interesting that this prompt came up this week, just as worry's ugly head kept on intruding my thoughts this past couple of weeks. 

I am a worrier. I told you that already.  There are a lot of things I worry about.  If I try to scribble all about my worries, I would wind up writing a book instead of a scribbling.

Worry is unhealthy. It strips us of a lot of things, like joy, sleep, physical health and even friends. Did I say friends?  I did. And let me zero in on that  because that's one demon I am dealing with right now. Worrying about friends and friendship. Not a good thing.

Lately I am finding myself avoiding a lot of church friends.  I am noticing it on myself more and more. After Sunday services, all I want to do is go home. I didn't want to stay in the courtyard where we are supposed to be "fellowshipping" with one another. No, the word fellowship is not enjoyable to me, it actually worries me. 

My husband once said that he thinks the reason why I blog a lot and spend so much time in the internet is because I am lonely. I vehemently opposed him. I told him he was wrong.  And yet, right now as I am typing this I am thinking there must be some truth to that observation.  I think I am a bit lonely.  I think I am feeling displaced.

One big problem is that I avoid people who I think do not like me, and people who I think is bored with me and do not enjoy my company. This is a dangerous thing because I base it all on my perception on whether a person likes me or not.  I also based it on my intuition. It is very subjective.  This is really not a good thing. And maybe that is why I am scribbling about it - to let it out of my chest. To release it and not let that seed of insecurity grow.

I am feeling displaced and disconnected and a lot of it is my fault.  I worry about friendships but worrying about it will not do me any good. 

Sunday Scribbling: Celebrate!

It's so appropriate and relevant that the prompt for Sunday Scribbling is celebrate, because I am celebrating many this week:

1) My son G got accepted at the STEM program at Kihei Charter School - yahoo! We just found out today. I will be posting more about this later but just want to mention in this post that this is a great fit for him and we are celebrating that he got accepted*. (*The letter of acceptance stated "conditionally accepted" contingent to us returning the form the mailed us confirming that we are still interested in enrolling him there, and also that we must submit other records needed such a TB tests and school records, as requested).

2) It's Palm Sunday today - a celebration remembering Jesus' entrance to Jerusalem. A tradition commencing the start of a "Holy Week" (as some would call it). And to those who do not celebrate Palm Sunday, it's a celebration of the beginning of Spring!

3) It's my brother Joseph's birthday on April 14th - He reads my blog so I thought I'd mention this in advance. I am known for forgetting birthdays so I am glad I remembered this. So, Kuya, happy birthday to you! You bless our lives in so many ways - I am glad you are my big brother!

In closing, I would like to share a video of Kool and the Gang titled "Celebration" - this is the "national anthem" for celebration, don't you think? Before you go there, be ready to dance because this song always makes you want to dance - or at least for me - it makes me want to dance (and you're probably glad you are not here to see me dance - ha!ha!).

Dear Past Me, Dear Future Me

Dear Past Me,

Remember when you once said "wouldn't it be nice to live in a house close to the beach?" 

Well, dear Present Me is now living on Maui, in a house close to the beach.

Dear Past Me,

Remember when you used to pray the rosary every night because you were so afraid of the "end of the world"?

Well, dear Present Me is not afraid anymore because she knows God is in control. Present Me does not pray the rosary anymore.  Dear Future Me - you will be in heaven with God - awesome! If anyone wants to know how, Present Me shared how.

Dear Past Me,

Remember when you used to get discouraged when no matter how hard you work you seem to just not make enough money to live comfortably?

Well... Present Me realizes that "working hard" is not the answer. It's "working the best you can and then trusting God" is the answer.  Also, being satisfied with what you have and being thankful for it.

And Dear Future Me, be assured that you would be better than Present Me.  There's always room for improvement; there's always room for growth.

Dear Past Me,

I know that if someone would have told you that you would be "blogging" (or writing online on the internet), you would be laughing so hard.  That's the last thing you thought you would be doing. But now Present Me is enjoys writing (blogging).  

Dear Future Me, you will have fun reading back through these scribblings.  Your grandkids will giggle and laugh.

*Click here more Sunday Scribblings

Trust

There in one Proverb in the Bible that I know by heart. It is found on Proverbs 3:5-6 and says:

"Trust in the Lord With All Thy Heart,
And lean not unto your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will direct your path".

This proverb gives a very simple instruction, yet in our modern world it is something that is hard to grasp. How can we trust someone or something we cannot even see, hear or touch? How can He direct my path and how can I follow when I cannot see Him leading the way?

One can only truly understand this by experience. In my life, this Proverb is so true. I do not practice it as I consistently should, but when I get to that point when I really "trust" God and not lean on my understanding", things go so much better.

One example is my job. When I got "laid off", many people felt "sorry" for me, but in my heart I actually felt a huge relief. Not that I hated my job because I loved it. It's just that I know God has something for me that I need to do for the time being and the only way that I can accomplish those is by having the freedom to stay at home more and spend more time with my kids. The first fear that comes out after the phrase "laid off from a job" is "where are we going to get the money to pay our bills". That's when "trusting" God's Word when he said "but my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches" comes in. I will not discuss in details how God is supplying our daily needs daily, but I can truly say that even with my unemployment we have everything we need right now and even a bit more.

For the sake of the skepticals, here's one example of how God specifically provided for us: When I got "laid off", I needed to surrender the company car back that our boss let me use while I was employed with them. That means I won't have a car, which is extremely inconvenient on Maui. A few days before I needed to return the company car, God provided the money specifically for the car. Now we had to find a good used car that would fit the money we got. A day before I returned the car, we found a car for me. My husband just happened to mention this need of a car to our friend, who happened to hear that day they their secretary is thinking of selling her daughter's car because she got a newer one from her grandfather. The long and the short of the story, is we got a great car for the right price at the right timing. Only God can arranged such great timing and provision.

I can go on and on sharing about how "trusting God" works in my life, but I would stop here for now. Today is Sunday and when I went to the Sunday Scribblings page to see what the prompt for this week is, I was amused to see that the prompt is "Trust". Go check out some of the other scribblings there too :)

For Richer Or Poorer ...

I saw the prompt for Sunday Scribblings when it was first posted, with Hubby and daughter being sick, combined with the many chores around the house, I did not have the time to scribble on it right away. I have a lot to say about it, a lot of ideas in mind, but the wedding vow is still on top of the list as far as what this prompt triggered:

" ... for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
til death do us part..."

It's interesting how this traditional vow still touches me every time I read or hear it. Although divorces nowadays are so rampart, and most cases "finances" has a lot to do with it, the vow still stirs a special emotion every time I hear it said on a wedding... and I always have high hopes that the couple would fulfill their vows... We are ...

Do you know who wrote this vow originally? I guess that's something I should Google ...

It's 12:40 AM. I need to go to bed and sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow. I wish I don't have to go to work tomorrow ... but I should ... You know .... for richer ... or poorer ...

zzzzz........

I Believe

Sunday Scribblings' prompt this week is "I Believe". Two memories immediately popped in my head when I read it. One is the Apostles Creed, which I had memorized in my childhood and still know it by heart to this day. Second is the song by Tom Jones titled "I Believe". I must have listened to that song a hundred times while I was growing up. My parents must have liked Tom Jones because I remember we have a "record" of that at home and it gets played over and over again. Along with the Apostles' Creed, the lyrics of this song is also engraved in my brain. Just for the fun of it, I googled the words "I Believe By Tom Jones" and I actually found a You Tube video of it!

Before I share the video, I just want to testify that I am a believer. Are you? The chorus in the I Believe song goes like this:

Every time I hear a new born baby cries
or touch a leaf
or see the sky
then I know why I believe.

This coming year 2009 is a year of challenge. With America's economy being as unstable as it is, it is easy to be discouraged and depressed. But let us not be discouraged. I believe that we will get through this hard times. It will teach us important lessons we would never have learned if we're always on affluent state. I believe the hard times bring something good. I believe. The bad times will not kill us - it will make us stronger.

And so, here's the song for us:



This post is also my entry for Then Sings My Soul Saturday.

Late

Oh my gosh - what a relevant prompt we have at Sunday Scribblings today!

You see, today I was very sad to find out that Boomama closed her "Christmas Tour of Homes 2008" linky this morning. I want so much to participate on this, but my "perfectionist" tendencies got hold of me and I did want to create a rushed post (like my first year) in the midst of a busy week. So I thought I would create a beautiful Merry Maui Christmas Tour (better than last year's) post this weekend and link it up on Sunday morning. Duh! Too Late :(

So thank you Sunday Scribbling for giving me a chance to "vent my disappointment of missing the Christmas tour" because I was late.

And guess what? if I don't get off the computer right now ... I mean right now ... I will be late for work. Oh, that would warrant a whole new Sunday Scribblings post on late.

I Knew Instantly

When I looked at the time on my computer clock, I knew instantly that I once again spent a lot of time on the net.... And I knew instantly that I have one more post to do before I log off.

When I saw the Sunday Scribbling prompt is "I Knew Instantly", I knew instantly that I would have a hard time coming up with a good scribbling ;) So this is it for now.

Visit the Sunday Scribbling Hub, and you'll know instantly that there are many creative writers out there :)

Tradition

I could not resist. When I saw that the Sunday Scribbling's prompt is tradition - this song from "Fiddler On the Roof" came to mind. I am a believer of tradition. I think it's important. I think it's beneficial. Sure there are "good" and "bad" tradition but it's all relative. Sure it's not good to be too uptight about it, but to be too loose and not have any tradition is not good at all.



Tradition for me builds a sense of security, a sense of belonging and a connection among family and community. Sure it can be abused and may sometimes be too restrictive - but if we do it "right" we really foster something of value - a priceless experience that no money can buy.

I will come back for more thoughts on tradition. For now I need to drop off my son to a Taekwondo class. In the meantime, I invite you to hop on to Sunday Scribblings' hub for more "views" on tradition :)

Grateful

Sunday Scribblings Prompt is "Grateful"
Oh, where Do I Begin?

Grateful to God for a life that was given
Grateful to Mom and Dad for life nurtured

Thankful for friends who sticks closer than a brother
Thankful for my family, including the extended

Appreciative of the kindness strangers do
Appreciative of the love my husband give

Grateful that I can laugh and cry
Grateful that I can read and write

Thankful for the sense of taste
Thankful also for smell, and touch, and ability to hear

Glad that I have work to pay the bills
Glad that I am healthy to work and play

Grateful to Sunday Scribblings
prompting me to share my gratefulness :)

*** Also grateful to 5 minutes For Moms for hosting a Thankful Post Extravaganza :)

Sunday Scribblings - Stranger

I find it quite strange that some of the strangers I met on the net through blogging and tweetering seems to be more in touch with me than my real life friends. Many of these strangers are are no longer "strangers" even though we have not met face to face - we have become friends. Isn't that quite fascinating; or interesting to say the least. And yet while some of my "live friends" find it strange that I pour so much time on blogging, the strangers who I have met and became friends don't. Now have I used the word strange and stranger enough? ;)

For more scribblings on "strange", go to Sunday Scribbling's page.

Change

It seems like
the only thing that doesn’t change on earth
is the fact that everything changes.

Some sooner
Some later
But change is inevitable.

Seasons change.
People change.
Circumstances change.

To fight change
Is to fight a losing battle
It is better to yield

Change
Can be a blessing
Can be a curse

***
Go to Sunday Scribblings for more.

Sunday Scribblings: Bragging

Here's how Sunday Scribblings presented the prompt for this week: "I don't like myself. I'm CRAZY ABOUT MYSELF!" -- Mae West. This week: bragging. What's awesome about you? You can pick one awesome thing, or list as many as you can. Don't be shy!

Well.... I am usually shy, and I do not really like talking much about myself. So I would post more photos than scribblings. I am trying to build my confidence on being a mom and convincing my self that I am a good mom. Here are some of my favorite photos (I have a lot more):

Iron Sharpens Iron

As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

"My Style" - that's Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week. I could write about my fashion style, but I don't have much of a fashion sense. I could write about my writing style, but nah, I am not in the mood to talk about that. I could talk about my boss' management style, but I do not think he would like me talking about him on my blog. That is something I should not do. The truth is, my brain is just fried and I couldn't compose an inspired scribbling on the prompt "my style" even though I know that's a great prompt which I can take in many directions.

I placed a quote above from Proverbs. I think It is somewhat related to "my style". You see, we have a variety of styles, for example - life stye. Mine is probably totally different from yours. I am sure it's different from many. I have my own preferences, my own rules, my own interest. But that doesn't mean that I should ignore yours. Nor look at your style as wrong, or weird, or less valuable than mine. I may disagree, I may get frustrated, but I should not discount the fact that I can learn from you as much as you can learn from me. Someone here talked about Iron Sharpens Iron - you may want to check it out.

For a more coherent Sunday Scribbling posts, visit their blog HERE.

If I had to live at a different time in history ...

I would have loved to lived when Jesus walked on earth.
I would have loved to be there in Bethlehem when he was born
I would have loved to be there when he entered Jerusalem
I would have loved to be there when He called Lazarus from the dead
I would have loved to be there when He taught in the synagogue

But then again,
I wonder what I would have done...

Would have I ignored the stars that shined bright on Bethlehem?
Would have I ignored His call to follow Him?
Would I have been critical of his teachings?
Would I have been skeptical of His miracles?
Would I have shouted crucify Him?
Or would I have followed Him initially and then deny Him ...

Oh I would have loved to be there
To listen to the parables he shared
To witness the miracles he performed
To see and hear him pardon the woman caught in adultery

If I had to love at a different time in history
I would have loved it to be at the time Jesus walked on earth.

***

Visit Sunday Scribblings for more

Sunday Scribbling: Forbidden

Sex before marriage - it's fornication
An affair, no matter how short - it's adultery
Looking at pornography - it's lust
Forbidden... these all are
and yet people do it...
...it's sin.

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" - Romans 3:23

"For it is by grace that we have been saved through faith.
Not of works, that one one should boast". - Ephesians 2:4-6

* Yes I am a sinner saved by grace.

* This is an entry to Sunday Scribbling. Go there for more take on the word Forbidden.

Sunday Scribbling: Wedding

* I changed my original scribbling that I posted a couple of hours ago. It sounded negative as I was recalling the many things that went wrong in our wedding. I decided to just re-post this one because I need to preach to myself (original post found here)

Last night we attended a wedding reception. It's a Maui reception of a our dear friend Mikey and her lovely wife Shae. They got married in Oregon, and here on Maui for their honeymoon. Since they have tons of friends here, we had a Maui wedding reception. We've known Mikey since he was a tiny little kid we've seen him grown into a wonderful man of God. I was a bit teary eyed watching their slide show. It's amazing how time flies fast.

There was an open "mic" during the reception, open for greeting, encouragement and advice to the couple. I love giving advice and encouragement to young couples. And speaking in front of a large crowd does not intimidate me. But last night, I held back. Maybe it's because I was trying to be considerate and let others do the "talking", others who are closer to the couple than I am.

And so I was thinking, what would have I said had I stood out there and grab the microphone to speak to the new and young couple? Last night, my thoughts were these:

M and S, if there are two words that I want you to learn and remember tonight in relations to your marriage, I'd say this. Remember the words: conflict resolution. I don't want to be negative, but I want to be realistic - there will come a time in your marriage when you will face a conflict - and what will make the difference is your ability to resolve a conflict. When conflict arises, remember that God is bigger than the conflict and the 3 of you can resolve it. Learn the art of finding a "win win" solution every time there's a conflict. Commit to each other that when a major conflict arise - not one of you will quit or run away from the conflict. Instead, you will put every ounce of your energy resolving it. Learn "not to sweat the small stuff" so learn to resolve small conflict easily. But know that when harder, bigger conflicts arise - it's is good to find a wise counselor to help out.

Now, as I am reading the above paragraph, it's probably good that I did not stand out there and say this in an open mic. It sounds a little bit negative, they might get intimidated . Maybe I should just write them a note after I "clean up" that unsolicited advice.

For more scribblings on wedding, go to Sunday Scribbling.

Sunday Scribbling: Coffee

Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week is coffee. And oh I love coffee! I know many people say it's not good for me. Let's just say this is one of the few indulgences I have in life so I will keep it.

Coffee has been a part of my life. When I look back I can see events, experiences and memories associated with it:

* When I was a kid, my grandmother used to feed me rice soaked in coffee and sugar. I know... that seems horrible to feed a kid coffee, especially here on America. But on those days, back in the Philippines, my grandmother was just doing the best she can to feed me. A friend of mine teases that that's the reason why I am short, because I drank coffee when I was a kid and my growth was stunt by it. While it may be partly true, I think my height has more to do with genetics so even if I didn't drink coffee at a young age, I wouldn't be tall.

* When I was a kid, I remember how my mom always make sure that there' a fresh hot cup of coffee on the table when my dad comes home from work. It's an act of love on her part. Funny, I naturally do that at home with my husband. There's always a freshly brewed coffee when he wakes up in the morning and freshly brewed coffee when he arrives home from work.

* When I was in high school and college, coffee is my companion on those sleepless nights when I had to do homework or prepare for exams.

* When I met my husband, we were pleased that both of us like coffee. Both of us can drink it at night and go to bed without having any problem sleeping. The only difference between my husband and I is that he's a "coffee snob" and I am not. He only drinks "good fresh brewed coffee (the good beans)" while "instant coffee" does not bother me. I drink whatever kind coffee you have. My aunt used to roast rice and make rice coffee - oh I love the smell of those! I like it's taste too :). My husband would gag at the thought of it :)

* My blogging friend "Joyful Days" did a fun post on coffee HERE. If you are a coffee lover like us, don't miss her post, because you'll find cute stuff like this "coffee prayer":

Caffeine is my shepherd;
I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness
for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream
and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me
in the presence of Juan Valdez:
Thou annointest my day with pep;
my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me
all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of ....... for ever.

I love coffee. I have a cup full of it (and I am drinking it) while I type this post :). For more Scribblings on coffee, visit Sunday Scribblings.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow by IZ

Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week is "somewhere". Everytime I read that word, I remember the beautiful rendition of IZ of the song Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and so I posted a video here. I know it's not much of a scribbling from me ... but the video is definitely worth watching.

How I Met My Boss....

It's been 10 years since I first met my boss...

I actually kind of know him at church but never really converse past the usual "hello" and "hi prior to me being hired by his wife to be their secretary/office manager. So how I met him is from church, and how I was hired is through his wife :)

After I was hired, I remember wondering what kind of boss he would be. He was 60 something at that time. A very successful developer with a good reputation. I on the other hand is coming out from a ministry job (about 10 years total) so I was really "anxious" about this new job. I had ZERO knowledge in construction and development - zip, nada, none!

To add a twist to the story, a couple of weeks before I started my new job with their company, I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd (at that time I had a 5 months old baby too). I was shocked and cried at the doctors office when I found out I was pregnant because that means I would have to take a maternity leave in the middle of the development project we are doing and I didn't think my new bosses would like that.

I called Joyce (my lady boss, wife of Jesse my boss). I told her that I just found out I am (was) pregnant, and I told her that if for any reason they would like to change their mind about hiring me - it's ok. I understand that it would be hard to have s newly hired take a maternity leave in the middle of an important project (not to mention having a pregnant lady in the construction office). Joyce said she would call Jesse and will call me back. Next thing I know, Jesse called me, told me they still would like to hire me and they we will work things out. Actually, if I remember right, he even said we will have fun. I was so grateful they still hired me because at that time I already had resigned from my other job.

And so the first day I met Jesse, my boss, is the day I met the boss that I would be working for for 10 years and more...

Jesse is a great boss. I learned a lot from him (and still learning) and I have a very high respect for the man. He and his wife have always been so caring and generous to me and my family. The day I met my boss, I met a man who taught me to dream and dream big - not only that but also thought me to take steps to achieve my dreams - to never give up. Thanks Jesse - and advance happy birthday to you.

***
This post is inspired by the prompt at Sunday Scribblings called "How I Met My (Blank)". For a variety of scribblings, interpretations and inspired writings, visit Sunday Scribblings.