Last night I listed to Dale Carnegie's Audibook on How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. It's the best book on anxiety that I have encountered and I highly recommend it.
I will embed the video at the end of this post so you too can listen to it if you want to.
It seems counterproductive that I am blogging here at Liza's Eyeview when I have so many other blogging commitments that I have to fulfill. But this is my therapy of sorts. I think I've said that before. This is how I sort so many things on my head.
There are many other things that are causing stress in my life (like the fact that we don't have the funds to send out kids to college and it really bums me out) but I'd rather focus on the blessings in my life and what I can do to make things better - one day at a time.
So here's the embedded audio books in case you want to listen to it too:
This post was originally uploaded in July 2008. This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. In my mind I was praying "Lord, I do not know what to do, please help me". When I logged on to my computer and I saw that Sean left a comment on this post yesterday (see in the comment section). "Thank you Sean for your comment. It's was a real blessing to me today." Sean's comment reminded me of what I ought to do "Cast My Cares Upon Jesus". And so I decided to update this post to today. here it goes:
I found this at Joyful Days blog - just what I needed to hear and do this morning:
Cares Chorus by Kelly Willard
I cast all my cares upon You, I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet. And any time I don't know just what to do, I will cast all my cares upon You.
I cast all my cares upon You, I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet. And any time I don't know just what to do, I will cast all my cares upon You. I will cast all my cares upon you
Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week is "worry". Questions were asked to help us come up with a creative scribbling, but I feel the urge to reply uncreatively, at least for a start. Here goes:
Are you a worrier? YES!
Know one? Aside from me? My Dad
Is there a particular worry that you can't shake? A lot
Ways of coping with worrying? Prayer and Meditation on God's sovereignty and goodness
It's interesting that this prompt came up this week, just as worry's ugly head kept on intruding my thoughts this past couple of weeks.
I am a worrier. I told you that already. There are a lot of things I worry about. If I try to scribble all about my worries, I would wind up writing a book instead of a scribbling.
Worry is unhealthy. It strips us of a lot of things, like joy, sleep, physical health and even friends. Did I say friends? I did. And let me zero in on that because that's one demon I am dealing with right now. Worrying about friends and friendship. Not a good thing.
Lately I am finding myself avoiding a lot of church friends. I am noticing it on myself more and more. After Sunday services, all I want to do is go home. I didn't want to stay in the courtyard where we are supposed to be "fellowshipping" with one another. No, the word fellowship is not enjoyable to me, it actually worries me.
My husband once said that he thinks the reason why I blog a lot and spend so much time in the internet is because I am lonely. I vehemently opposed him. I told him he was wrong. And yet, right now as I am typing this I am thinking there must be some truth to that observation. I think I am a bit lonely. I think I am feeling displaced.
One big problem is that I avoid people who I think do not like me, and people who I think is bored with me and do not enjoy my company. This is a dangerous thing because I base it all on my perception on whether a person likes me or not. I also based it on my intuition. It is very subjective. This is really not a good thing. And maybe that is why I am scribbling about it - to let it out of my chest. To release it and not let that seed of insecurity grow.
I am feeling displaced and disconnected and a lot of it is my fault. I worry about friendships but worrying about it will not do me any good.
We received a sad news today. Someone we know committed suicide. A few weeks back, I read Cindy's post about one of their friends also committed suicide. I do not know what the real cause or reasons where - there could be some clinical depression associated with it. But the question that comes to my mind is "would some words of encouragement have stopped them from committing suicide?" I do not know. But one thing I know is that words of encouragement is a powerful force. It works for me - all the time. When I am down or stressed and someone gives me some words of encouragement, it makes a huge difference in my ability to overcome whatever difficulty I have. And if you add to the words my love language which is "service", then it's golden :)
Have you spoken a word of encouragement to someone today? Or maybe you need to send a note of encouragement. Maybe a comment on a blog (hint! hint! - he he).
Let us not procrastinate. Let' us encourage someone now before it's too late . I will.
"We Are That Family" is now hosting the "Works For Me Wednesday" blog posts sharing. Go there for other tips on what works.
P.S. and if you are on the other side, of you need he encouragement, please do reach out and let us know how we can encourage you.
RELATED POST:
In March of 2007 I wrote a post on suicide. I thought I should link it here too. Click here to read it.
MONDAYS - Monday is one day of the week that really impacts me. Maybe it has something to do with "being the start of the week". Although we know that technically Sunday is the start of the week, Monday is the start of the school week and the work week that it triggers certain emotions and reactions in me. This morning I woke up at 3AM (again) and no matter how I toss and turn I still couldn't back to sleep. After an hour of laying down on the bed awake, with thousands of thoughts and ideas running in my head, I decided to get up. And here I am.
TIME - Have you ever wondered why God chose to give us 24 hours in a day? Why not 30? Why not 10? Once in a while I wonder why, especially when my "to do" list is a mile long and there's no way I will be able to do in 24 hours all the tasks I need to accomplish that day. I think the question I should be asking is not "why 24 hours" but "what does God wants me to do on this 24 hours that he is giving me today?".
FEAR AND GRACE - I was reading Karen's blog yesterday and her sharing about Nick really encouraged me. I watched several of Nick's videos on Youtube and realized that a lot of my anxieties are really a result of "fear" - fear of the unknown and fear of what will happen in the future. Instead of me trying to share to you what Nick was saying, I decided to pick one of his videos and embed it here. Take a few minutes to watch it and you will understand that fear is best conquered by God's love and grace:
Hubby was on a 2 week missions trip to the Philippines and that was good. I intentionally did not post much about him being gone because, you know, I am paranoid like that. They (some blog experts) say that do not give info such as hubby being away, etc. Now that he'll be back in a couple of hours then I can talk about it.
So why was it good that he was gone for 2 weeks? Well it became our "truce time" on this "conflict we have about my loss of job and not wanting to go to work full time". It gave me the much needed break to think about this whole thing without pressure.
And yes, I thought about it a lot. But you see, it's like a roller coaster ride. At one point I would feel like, yeah we can make it without me finding another full time job and I should stick to my guns of not wanting to work full time outside of our home. And then at one point I would be like - what if hubby is right? With this present economy, it is scary. Maybe I should be a little bit more practical than idealistic.
And maybe, hubby will (or has already) changed his mind about this thing since he spent 2 weeks on a third world country where a flat screen TV is such a luxury for most it's not even an option of something that could be cut back like what's written on this article. Sometimes the question there is "where do we get our next meal?".
Like what I said, it's a roller coaster ride. At one point I would be confident that "blogging" would be a good source of "work at home" income for me, but then again at the times I would be like "I don't know... maybe I am being a little bit too optimistic on this". As we bloggers know - it's really not that easy to make money off of blogs - it takes hard work. It does pay off well in the end, but getting there is not easy...
Good thing there's blogging for me to spill some of these thoughts out and empty my mind of these worries, so that in turn I can fill it up with these words of wisdom:
"Trust in the Lord with all your hearts and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." - Proverbs 3:16
O Love That Will Not Let Me Go by George Matheson, 1882
O Love that wilt not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee; I give thee back the life I owe, that in thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be.
O Light that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to thee; my heart restores its borrowed ray, that in thy sunshine’s blaze its day may brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain, I cannot close my heart to thee; I trace the rainbow through the rain, and feel the promise is not vain, that morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head, I dare not ask to fly from thee; I lay in dust life’s glory dead, and from the ground there blossoms red life that shall endless be.
I had been singing this song a lot this past week. There were some very important decisions that I had to make. It wasn't easy making the decision because my husband and I didn't agree on it. I had to look up to God and tell Him "Thy Will Be Done", and trust Him that even if what I think I need to do does not happen because of my husband and I's disagreement - that somehow if I submit to my husband, God will work all things together for the good of our family.
This is a quote from Joyful Days post. I feel the same way so I am quoting it here. Go there to read the whole post:
Maybe I am a perfectionist. Not perfect (‘coz we know no one but the ONE is perfect) but a perfectionist. Wikipedia's Perfectionism topic gives insight; scroll down to "Negative Aspects."
I see a pattern of putting off things until they can be done right. (And we know how often that occurs.) I see distracting myself until a situation becomes urgent and then just handling it with my usual seat-of-the-pants, duct tape, baling wire, tar, open-minded, relaxed approach with a less than perfect outcome. But I don’t think I am as relaxed as I make myself out to be.
Some people love Mondays - I am not one of them. It's my least favorite day of the week.
I went to bed early last night (that was good). It's good to get some sleep.
I know I am approaching my PMS zone and I need to be aware of that so that I am able to handle my "bad moods" better (sorry, this blog is becoming my PMS log).
Bloggy friends, thank you for your visits. I'd been visiting you too but not commenting much these days. Will do that soon. Love yah!
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
In a few days (maybe tomorrow) I will be deactivating my feeds. I had been getting several spam e-mail from there and it really bothers me. So I will de-activate my e-mail feeds, maybe even my subscriber feeds later on. Sorry dear "readers from feeds", you will just have to visit the actual site"
To the spammers, please don't send me e-mails of such kind. I love blogging and is doing this for "cheap therapy". I do not need another stress of worrying who you are and what are you up to - I do not have time to "get to know each other, etc..). Thank you. I pray you find other productive things to do.
Did I spell "binge" correctly? I meant, I am on a posting frenzy this morning. FOUR POSTS people - FOUR LONG POSTS in one morning! Let's just say I am having a grand time! Hubby is volunteering in a windsurf race; both kids are playing with friends (we've set up these play dates to make sure they have friends this Saturday morning), and I am just a happy camper.
Ok, time to fold the laundry. Even that sounds exciting. Yes, I love folding laundry. Beth, you can send yours here :)
Thank you Aaron for posting this. Yes, I am one of the few who's not seen it (don't have TV, we don't watch Oprah), and now I have. I am posting it here for some of my readers who may have missed this also. Take 10:10 min of your time - listen to Randy Pausch - it's worth it!:
This is so good to watch on a Monday morning. Have a great day y'all.
The best ways to handle stress are a) pray b) trust God c) worship d) read the Bible. However, there are many practical ways to supplement and compliments the list above. Here are some of mine. Some little ways, some unusual, some bizarre, and some wouldn't make sense to some - but these are practical, easy to do, and some are fun... These WORKS FOR ME:
1.Make a list- sometimes I feel overwhelmed thinking I've got so many things to do only to realize it's not that many once I put it on paper.
2. Smell some of my favorite smells. Yes, some calls it aromatherapy. Some smells that comfort me are: lavender, vanilla, baby powder, cinnamon, fresh linen, fresh apple pie, sandalwood and Vicks vapor rub (i love the mint or peppermint smell)
3. Sleep- getting enough sleep never fails to reduce my stress.
4. Oh yeah - Blogging.
5. Bubble Bath - - guaranteed stress reducer, I just need to find the time to do it.
6. Massage - it would be nice to get it from a professional masseur. That always works for me. Actually, my hubby WAS a professional masseur so it works (if I can get him to give me a massage). Well, I can get him to give me a massage, but there's a trade, if you know what I mean... ;)
7. Coloring and painting- coloring, as in coloring a kids' coloring book with Crayola. Painting, as in painting using the kids' water color. These two activities works well for me. They are great stress reducer. I can also add playing with Play Doh here.
8. Reading a Book - ahhh ... it's a rest to read a wonderful, interesting book.
9. Rubbing my feet on a mosquito net- I told you some on my list would be bizarre to you.
10. Drinking a cup of hot Ovaltine Malt; or a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallow; or a good Chai.
This post is my "Works For Me Wednesday" post. I did share some of the stress relievers that worked for me - would you mind sharing some of yours? Maybe I can copy. Please share them ... leave a comment ;)
I had a meltdown tonight. Stuff here and there put together made me a bit depressed and a lot anxious that I started crying out of the blue when my husband asked me a question (I can't even recall what his question was ....) What stuff here and there? Like these stuff:
1. It suddenly hit me that my kids are going back to school on July 30th - 2 weeks away! I should be happy that I don't have to worry about what camp I should be taking them when I work, etc, etc. but I think it made me very very sad to think that summer vacation is almost over and we really haven't spent a "fun family vacation" before it's over.
I also was disappointed with myself that I didn't get to do some things I planned to do with the kids... like teach and practice their multiplication table in a fun way during summer, or learn touch typing (which is very important for G, with his dyslexia). N is going to be back in the high performing class this year and for some reason I am second guessing my decision to put her back there. G will be in grade 5 - I do not know who his teacher will be and I am worried. He had a wonderful teacher in grade 4 and I am praying that he will have a similar one in grade 5... but I am not sure. I think this really is giving me a lot of anxiety.
2. It bothers me that I do not know how to communicate my feelings (this anxiety) to my husband well. And so when he asked me what's going on, all I could blurt out is that "I miss my friends in/from the Philippines". It really does not represent the whole picture of things because it really is more than that but it's hard to explain. And I do not want to go in details about my anxieties about my kids because it gets more complicated talking it out with him. I know I have a problem with communication. Huge problem. I don't do it well. I don't express my thoughts well. Not verbally. In writing I could a little bit more (therefore the post, and the blog), but hubby does not like reading this blog. He does not like me blogging. And I don't care about that anymore. I just blog because it helps me sort things out.
3. And then add to this is the fact that I can't used our main computer because it's locking up so I am using this old lap top which is harder because this is way older and slower.
5. Times like this is best handled by bringing all my cares to Jesus. And so this post will serve as my "Then Sings My Soul" post. And here's my song:
What a Friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry Ev'rything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry Ev'rything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged: Take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful, Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our ev'ry weakness: Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavyladen, Cumbered with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge— Take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He'll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.
For more songs of worship or comfort ... go to Amy's blog for the "Then Sings My Soul" links.
UPDATE 7-11-12-08: Just want everyone to know that I am doing well this morning (the post above was written last night). Anxieties are way less; stress level is low; depression gone. I am confident that things will work out somehow. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases - His mercies never come to an end - they are NEW EVERY MORNING, great is THY faithfulness"... Thank you to all who left comments here - very much appreciated.
Let me start with the "fun" part. we did lots of family fun:
Friday night was hanging out at home relaxed and not worried because it's the holiday weekend :). Hubby and kids watched Naruto DVD while I blogged (gotta love that :).
On the side note about Friday, we found out that our friends the K's went out with a bunch of friends for a group date night. You see we have this bunch of "free childcare" coupons on this gymnastics place and they used them on that night. Hubby was bummed that I did not coordinate with our friends about going with them because CK invited us (CK told me about it, I mentioned it to hubby a couple weeks before but we didn't get to talk about it in details and I did not call back our friends).
Saturday morning, hubby went to Taekwondo class in the morning while I took the kids to the Whale Day at the Park (it's sort of a fair/carnival). AfterTaekwondo, hubby went to Costco to purchase a new dining furniture set (that's another post).
While on Costco, hubby talked to KK on the phone - found out their family is watching Spiderwick that day. Hubby called me to ask if I'd want to go with them. We planned to go with them so the Whale Day time was cut short but that's ok because we like spending time with our friends the Keplers. After the movie, we ate dinner at the mall. Then one of their sons came home with us to play with our son. At 8:15 hubby took him back home and hubby and KK went t a movie (Jumper..jump start?). I watched Naruto with G and N. Correction: G and N watch Naruto while I slept on the couch. I wanted to bond with them by watching this manga cartoon with them but I couldn't keep awake. Anyway, they appreciated the fact that I made the effort to watch with them instead of letting them watch by themselves while I blog ;)
Sunday morning, we went to church. It was excellent. Danny Lehman was our guest speaker. I learned a lot and enjoyed the worship singing tremendously. After Sunday service, N was invited to spend the day and night with her friend L (her friend whose family taught her how to surf). So N went with the Lynch family and G came home with us. At 5 PM Hubby went to dinner with co-workers and straight to co-workers house for "game night" (computer games). I did some chores at home while I let G watch some more Narutos. At 9 PM G was in bed asleep - then I read blogs :)
Monday morning, I blogged a little at 6 AM :) then hopped on the treadmill and did my 45 minutes exercise. Then I baked brownies to bring to the Family Fun Day and Baptism at the beach. I found out that one of my daughter's best friend (whose mom is also one of my best friends) is getting baptized, so I quickly made a lei while waiting for the brownies to get done. At that time hubby and G are already at the beach (which is actually just 5 minutes away from where we live). As soon as the brownies were done, I headed to the beach. Had a great time hanging there, celebrating with the people who just gpt baptized, eating yummy food at the potluck, chatting with friends, enjoyed the time spent with Kelly and her son Kainoa, spend a little time with Cassie, the Tomizawas, and Valeria. Hubby had to go to go for a little so all these time it was just G and I there (N was still with her friends, they went to a different beach) and we had a good time. Around 1:30, hubby called. We decided to head to the beach where our daughter is hanging out so we can watch her surf. G ended up surfing too. It was great hanging out with the L's.
Now, here's the "complicated" part. Because hubby was having such a great time hanging out with the L's that day (we're all having a great time), he decided on the spur of the moment to invite them for a cook-out in our house. Now please don't get me wrong... I love this couple and I think it's a great idea to invite them for a cook-out in our house... but I think at this point my "social tank" is already full, I wanted just to go home and have a quite night at home to get the kids ready for school the next day and me ready for work. I tried to tell my hubby that it's not a good idea to have dinner that night, that we should have it next Sunday, but it was too late. And so we had a cook out. It was fun. After dinner we watched the DVD Surf's Up and had a blast. I really enjoyed spending time with them.
The thing is, now it's Tuesday morning - time to go back to work and kids to go back to school and I am feeling frantic! I am trying to convince myself to be thankful for the wonderful weekend we had and stop being anxious about today thinking the many things I did not accomplish over the weekend. I am tempted to call in sick. Yes, mentally sick as in frantic. I am thinking of getting a mental health day today. But it does not sound right after already taking a day off yesterday (our office was open and most employees went to work - i did not).
And so, i think this vent on this blog helped. Pardon the typos and grammatical errors (I am sure there are) but I am now logging off to get ready for work. I will add some photos to this post later, but for now, I need to take a shower.
Aloha!
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UPDATE: Guess I found while doing a quicke bloggie checkie before I hop in my car to go to work: Mental Health Day :)
I woke up at 4:30 AM. Turned and toss; tossed and turned in my bed. It's a weekend, it's Saturday morning, can't I sleep in? But I couldn't. Turned and tossed again.
I guess my turning and tossing woke my hubby up because just as I was getting up at 4:55, he reached out and wanted to snuggle. But I needed to pee. And so I got up, went to the bathroom, and peed. Then I went back to bed to snuggle, hoping I would dose off to sleep. Besides, I know hubby would want me to go back to he can snuggle himself back to sleep too.
Well... turned and tossed again. Turned and tossed. I couldn't find a position that would make me sleep. Finally, hubby said, "you can get up and blog". I think he's had enough of my tossing and turning.
And so here I am blogging a little. But I am going to log off in a few seconds. It's a very very busy weekend ahead of us. I can't even list here the activities we need to do because I feel this urge to log off and pray. I know I need to turn these anxious thoughts and feelings into prayer. Maybe after my prayer time I can blog more, but for now I have to go.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus, our Lord." - Philippians 4:6-7
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I encourage you to visit A Dusty Frame to encourage her today. She's a godly woman who's very faithful to her husband who is in jail right now. Go there and leave some encouraging words to her. I will submit this post in the carnival she's hosting called "Works Of God Weekend".
Today is Saturday and I am determined to de-clutter.
I do not know why, but I have this amazing ability to collect clutter - not that I am proud of it - it fact, I am ashamed of it - and it's something I need to work on. Maybe it's the insecurity and the fear to throw out something that I might need later. Maybe it's holding on to memories. I keep a lot of my kids' school work, even old notebooks, old seat works, etc. Many of these I really need to let go of, and just keep a few. I keep a lot of old birthday cards, and Christmas cards, etc..
And clutter is not only limited to these stuff that I have to sort out today. I also need to look at the clutter in my schedule and our family. Sometimes we fill out lives with so many activities that some of these activities are just clutter...
Now, if you'd excuse me, I am off to this very important task of de-cluttering. Wish me luck.
"...Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6: 25-34 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment?
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek.) For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
I knew I should have posted about "best 50th birthday party" last night, right after the party before I went to bed. That was when I was still all happy and excited. Hubby told me not to blog and just go straight to bed. I shouldn't have listened because now...now that I am about to blog about it (a day and a half after it), I have already lost the excitement.
Some of you guessed it right, it's back to work tomorrow... and I am not feeling enthusiastic about it. We had a very hectic, fun filled weekend ... but now the reality of not having done much on the "chores" that I was planning/hoping to do on a weekend is hitting me. It's back to work tomorrow and I feel like I need another day to catch up. I know we just had a 3 day weekend ... but ....
no buts ... we had a 3 day fun filled weekend so I shouldn't be "whining" right now....
I think I need to go get some sleep. Maybe I'd get motivated to post about the birthday party and the beach baptism when I wake up tomorrow. I also have a great news about my nephew JM winning the Science Quiz...so hopefully I can blog about it tomorrow.....
