* I changed my original scribbling that I posted a couple of hours ago. It sounded negative as I was recalling the many things that went wrong in our wedding. I decided to just re-post this one because I need to preach to myself (original post found here)
Last night we attended a wedding reception. It's a Maui reception of a our dear friend Mikey and her lovely wife Shae. They got married in Oregon, and here on Maui for their honeymoon. Since they have tons of friends here, we had a Maui wedding reception. We've known Mikey since he was a tiny little kid we've seen him grown into a wonderful man of God. I was a bit teary eyed watching their slide show. It's amazing how time flies fast.
There was an open "mic" during the reception, open for greeting, encouragement and advice to the couple. I love giving advice and encouragement to young couples. And speaking in front of a large crowd does not intimidate me. But last night, I held back. Maybe it's because I was trying to be considerate and let others do the "talking", others who are closer to the couple than I am.
And so I was thinking, what would have I said had I stood out there and grab the microphone to speak to the new and young couple? Last night, my thoughts were these:
M and S, if there are two words that I want you to learn and remember tonight in relations to your marriage, I'd say this. Remember the words: conflict resolution. I don't want to be negative, but I want to be realistic - there will come a time in your marriage when you will face a conflict - and what will make the difference is your ability to resolve a conflict. When conflict arises, remember that God is bigger than the conflict and the 3 of you can resolve it. Learn the art of finding a "win win" solution every time there's a conflict. Commit to each other that when a major conflict arise - not one of you will quit or run away from the conflict. Instead, you will put every ounce of your energy resolving it. Learn "not to sweat the small stuff" so learn to resolve small conflict easily. But know that when harder, bigger conflicts arise - it's is good to find a wise counselor to help out.
Now, as I am reading the above paragraph, it's probably good that I did not stand out there and say this in an open mic. It sounds a little bit negative, they might get intimidated . Maybe I should just write them a note after I "clean up" that unsolicited advice.
For more scribblings on wedding, go to Sunday Scribbling.
Do you know what I've learned? It's not about the wedding,it's about you two and your love for each other. All the other stuff will be gone, the ceremony, people and things, but you two are forever. Don't regret anything, enjoy your love.
Well, after 31 years of marriage, I can tell you your advice is spot on. Stay with it - try to work it through.
Okay, sometimes it still fails, but you can walk away in the knowledge that you tried everything.
I think that's excellent advice. Hold onto it--it might be needed down the road when your friends get back from their honeymoon! Sometimes the main difference between those who don't make it and those who do is the willingness to work it out, no matter what. Blessings on you and your husband as you look back (and forward!) at such a rich life together!
good advice. Maybe you were right to hold back that advice on their wedding day, but it is good enough advice for when the couple really needs it, during those trying times. Working it out is always worth it, even if it bring about negative results.
I just got married a year ago, and I have to say, it is totally different than what I dreamed. My husband is amazing, but it is SO HARD to get used to having to take another person's opinion into consideration at all times. I hope they will have a great marriage. I am so glad you could have a party for them. You are nice : )
Great advice Liza!
And I love that photo of you and your hubby...beautiful!
Excellent advise indeed. If I only I had read this 30 years ago!
Enjoyed how you worked through a decision about giving this advice!. But finally, I think this is advice worth giving. It could be specially written in a pretty note some time after all the fan fare of the wedding has past ~ during that settling in period! Then, you may find your timing to be perfect and most unique for a gift!
Excellent advice. I say send it in a note. It might be useful one day.
I like how you decided to make this positive instead of negative! We should all do that in every aspect of our lives.
It's great you held your tongue...Another's wedding day would not be the right place for that,open mic or not. No one wants to be preached to during a special moment, especially when they've probably gotten preached to several times during the planning of the event by too may opinionated people.
After reading this, I felt kind of good.
However, there is an ugly side to in this world. We can't avoid that either...
Weddings and Beheadings
Very good advice. Lovely post.
I agree with all the others, this is great advice, you should most definitely pass it along in a card (we don't always like the advice we hear, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worth hearing).
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