Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Hardest Thing In Marriage
You married people ... if you were to tell a couple planning to get married what the hardest thing is in marriage would be, what would you tell them it is? I am just thinking ... it seems that for me the hardest part is "making a major decision that affects the family". I mean when I was single I make a decision just by myself, and even if the decision is risky, I can only blame myself for whatever outcome happens if I decide to take that risky decision. But now I always have to consult with my husband. We have to be in agreement on decision that affects our family. And when you are married to someone that has a totally opposite personality, and somewhat different values with what you have, it's not easy making a decision together. I'm just sayin'.....
Well, it's Friday today, and so I'll take it easy and join everyone at Island Life for an Aloha Friday. Looking forward to what the participants there are going to say :)
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Maybe not "the hardest thing" but a huge surprise was that the things that draw you to each other can in fact be some of the things that can cause division as your marriage weathers time.
Example: The man who marries a woman who is very independent may get frustrated when she doesn't allow him to lead. Conversely a submissive woman may never be able to make decisions without her husband--and later he might want her to.
The woman who marries a carefree and exciting man may wish he would be more responsible. A woman who marries a charming man may find herself insecure as he continues to be charming.
One who is impulsive and generous with gifts may make a spouse feel insecure with finances.
Marriage is a day to day decision. We choose each day how our marriage will be.
Great topic, Liza!!
I could not agree with you more. I am a huge risk taker and now that our finances are one I can't be as risky.
Marriage is a day to day thing and important to remember the reasons you fell in love. After all a family started all b/c two people fell in love!
Maintaining good communication. It's so easy to just assume that your partner knows or can read your mind.
And communication is so VITAL to a good, healthy marriage. Great question!
I would say making sure you always communicate! That is key! Another is to try and not fight about money. We're struggling right now and it seems we're always fighting about it and I hate that. Happy Aloha Friday! Mines up over at http://spiceworld.us
communication is the best tool in successful marriage. w/o it you'll rock the boat
We have, after years of horrid fighting, come to some easy decisions. We are one, not a team, but ONE, and we need to think as one when it comes to our family. So, therefore we take what can be decided by the Bible, and what isn't cut and dry there, we go by who has the strongest feelings about it.
I can absolutely think one way is right, but not be willing to fight about it, but my husband thinks he has to have it another way and is willing to fight about it, then it goes that way. Usually I am more willing to fight, lol, so it goes my way a lot. But, because we have chosen a central point of truth, God, we can easily agree on things.
This might sound insane but sometimes I think the hardest thing about marriage is sharing a bedroom and bathroom. There are days when I feel like I don't have any space that is MINE.
The financial and life decisions are tough but I grew up knowing about that and expecting that.
I love sharing a bed with my husband, I just wish I had my own space sometimes.
I agree with you. It's tough to make unified decisions when two people have polar opposite values; Especially when it comes to raising children. I wish I had known all these things in advance.
I think my advice would be to think long and hard about getting married and make sure you know your partners child rearing values(if you plan on having kids), because the kids will turn on you quick if they know Mom and Dad don't see eye-to-eye.
Wow everyone answered really well and are so right. I have been married a little over 12 years and have realized one of the hardest things is working together and making decisions as a team. On all subjects from finances to parenting.Another thing is losing yourself. You can easily get caught up in being a wife or husband and sometimes you can lose yourself.
BTW I hate sharing a bathroom with my husband. When we add on to our house I have already put in a request for my own private bath, no one else will even be allowed to look at it, lol
The hardest thing is learning compromise, I think!
I think the hardest thing is remembering that although you love eachother, you may not always be IN love with eachother. I believe that through the years we fall in and out of love with one another.. Many just bail out between the cycles.. I just love those days when my heart skips a beat and I get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him.. and we've been togetehr for over 15 years...
Without a doubt, it is communication for me. I do not guess well or always read body language correctly. My wife deserves the best, but that will never happen if we do not communicate regularly.
The hardest thing is throwing children in the mix. You know why? You always have to be on the same page. If you divide in any way shape or form the kids see it. They know how to divide and conquer! You have to maintain a united front at all times. That's tough! You both always have an audience.
Communicate! He can't read your mind...and you shouldn't assume that you can read his.
Great question Liza. Decision making can be difficult. Communication is so important also. Spending time with each other, keeping our marriage filled with love and laughter is one of our priorities. We pray for what we call our "grip" of love. That nothing would pry loose our grip together or distract us in any way. It's been a very cool thing for us. We have been blessed. Thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend.
I would say the hardest thing is thinking of yourself as part of a couple in addition to being a parent.
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