The Serenity Pray and I

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

As I am sitting here with a struggle in my mind, I was reminded of the prayer above.  It does capture the cry of my heart. But the quest for "the wisdom to know the difference" is so great.  I doubt I can ever truly achieve it.  Even with all the "trusting, surrendering, casting of my cares" that I am doing (or so it seems I am doing), I still struggle with the question "why" on some areas of my life.

 There are days when I think my struggles are a test of faith that makes me closer to the Lord, but there are also days when I doubt if I am doing things right.  And then I get worried that one day I would just break and get off track.  "The wisdom to know the difference". I need that.  I need the wisdom to know the difference on which things I should accept and which thing I should fight to change, to make the difference. There are days when I think I am doing well, and there are days when I think I am not ...  

OK, the days when I feel "I am not" fall about right within the PMS zone and the "why the heck am I not refilling my thyroid pills when  know I should" days.  OK, enough introspection.  It's time to start the day and do the  chores...

Search me, O God,

and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and

see if there is any wicked way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Ps. 139:23-24