Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Problem With Worry

Sunday Scribbling's prompt this week is "worry".  Questions were asked to help us come up with a creative scribbling, but I feel the urge to reply uncreatively, at least for a start. Here goes:

Are you a worrier?  YES!
Know one?  Aside from me? My Dad
Is there a particular worry that you can't shake?  A lot
Ways of coping with worrying? Prayer and Meditation on God's sovereignty and goodness

It's interesting that this prompt came up this week, just as worry's ugly head kept on intruding my thoughts this past couple of weeks. 

I am a worrier. I told you that already.  There are a lot of things I worry about.  If I try to scribble all about my worries, I would wind up writing a book instead of a scribbling.

Worry is unhealthy. It strips us of a lot of things, like joy, sleep, physical health and even friends. Did I say friends?  I did. And let me zero in on that  because that's one demon I am dealing with right now. Worrying about friends and friendship. Not a good thing.

Lately I am finding myself avoiding a lot of church friends.  I am noticing it on myself more and more. After Sunday services, all I want to do is go home. I didn't want to stay in the courtyard where we are supposed to be "fellowshipping" with one another. No, the word fellowship is not enjoyable to me, it actually worries me. 

My husband once said that he thinks the reason why I blog a lot and spend so much time in the internet is because I am lonely. I vehemently opposed him. I told him he was wrong.  And yet, right now as I am typing this I am thinking there must be some truth to that observation.  I think I am a bit lonely.  I think I am feeling displaced.

One big problem is that I avoid people who I think do not like me, and people who I think is bored with me and do not enjoy my company. This is a dangerous thing because I base it all on my perception on whether a person likes me or not.  I also based it on my intuition. It is very subjective.  This is really not a good thing. And maybe that is why I am scribbling about it - to let it out of my chest. To release it and not let that seed of insecurity grow.

I am feeling displaced and disconnected and a lot of it is my fault.  I worry about friendships but worrying about it will not do me any good. 


Unknown said...


Decided to pop on your blog today for no reason at all. Interesting post. I think women tend to over-analyze relationships, what people think, etc. Its how they're wired. We guys either assume people like us or we just don't care if they do or don't. I don't think we really spend any time thinking about it one way or the other.

I agree with Brad.

As you know though, there is a season for everything in our lives. As Christians sometimes we have to journey "through the desert" in order to hear what God is wanting to tell us. The good thing is that, just like the Israelites, the journey through the desert is always a temporary one and there is something better on the other side.

Now, get back on your camel and continue over the next sand dune.

Katrina said...

I think Doug is right. We women do tend to overthink relationships. I know I do.

For example, we have some good friends that we LOVE spending time with. But every time I leave their house, I find myself thinking back over what I said and did--did I sound stupid, or talk too much, or say anything that might be construed as offensive? Maybe we like them better than they like us, or maybe they're getting tired of us, or get the idea.

I hate that I do that, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. What helps me is remembering that the only audience that really counts is my "audience of One". And he loves me, no matter what.

I hope you can find the courage and boldness to embrace those relationships, Liza. From what I can read on your blog, you are exactly the sort of friend most of us are praying for! :)

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Liza, I agree with Doug and Katrina's comments. I relate so to you. We are much alike. You are fine. This will pass. You love the Lord with all your heart and you my special child "are the apple of his eye".
Love you

Karen said...

I am blessed to know Liza, and she is an awesome wonderful person. Very liked and very loved. I say this is either hormonal or Bradley might be right...she may need to pick up the phone and go have coffee with her homies. Let people love her and hug her! That should make her feel a whole lot better.
Love you Liza.

Liza on Maui said...

Thank you Doug, Katrina, Ernestine and Karen for your comments. I just came back from town (Kahului) and I was driving back I was thinking maybe I should pull this post out because I am making myself vulnerable. But after reading your comments I know I did the right thing posting it and getting some validation from dear friends. Yes I am a bit hormonal (it's that time of the month) and yes, I overanalyze myself, and yes I am a bit lonely but like Ernestine said, this too will pass; Katrina, thanks for reminding me about my "audience of One". Thanks you all with much love.

Next post will be more cheerful, after this PMS pass - ;)

Jennifer Hicks said...

Hi Liza,

A colleague once told me "people don't spend a lot of time thinking of you...they have their own lives to think about!"

Just last weekend, a when I told her I worry what other people think of me, she said "You have no business thinking about what other people think!"

These 2 comments make me reflect on what a waste of time being self conscious is because the only one who it's hurting is me!

floreta said...

interesting. i don't go to church but i always thought of religion as a place to come together and connect.. have a community, friends.. interesting that you feel the opposite =/ and yes if you vehemently oppose something (lonliness) there is probably more truth to it. hit a nerve..

Dee Martin said...

seems like we do spend a lot of time worrying about what others are thinking about us when the truth is, they are probably worrying about their own lives and maybe the thing that makes us think they don't like us was really nothing to do with us at all. That was very convoluted - sorry, and I'm not judging. I do this too. Church becomes even more complicated because we go there looking to be fed spiritually and sometimes we leave feeling more alone than ever. We expect MORE out of each other for some reason at church. Like just walking into the building somehow makes us better when in reality we are not any better there than anywhere else - silly huh? Hope you find a way out of this season to a better one :)

Lion-ess said...

Same here.. I was worrying and I came across this prompt unexpected... I'm trying to lessen worrying

linda may said...

G'Day Liza, I sure can understand what you have written here. We try to tell ourselves that we should not feel the way we do but it is so hard not to. Our inner demons takes over, knocking us down. I am not feeling the best today and spent a lot of time trying to work it out on paper this morning. What is real and what isn't. You write feelings so well. I know how you mean our insecurities being our own faults. Your beloved loves you, listen to him. Hugs.

CharlotteD said...

It could also be that you have gone back to work. You have less time 'alone' to recharge. When I have time to myself, it is easier to be social.

Most people like you if you are interested in them. I wouldn't worry about it. My girls think that I am very social. It is really only that I spend so much time with just them that makes me appear that way. I was less social when I worked a full time job where I was with people more. Of course, at that time I lived by myself and I got plenty of time to myself.

JJ said...

When I start to worry to much I get physically sick. I try to remember a little song I learnt when vacationing in Hawaii. Just hang loose, just have can't try to fight it, there ain't no use so when your in Hawaii you should just hang loose.
This ditty reminds me to just relax. All the worrying in the world can't change stuff that is out of my hands. Instead of worrying whent he storm hits I want to just be prepared and strong mentally when or if it does.
PS- I <3 U!

Johnny O said...

Interesting post....i believe worrying is a part of everyone, just a matter of the level of worry taken upon oneself. I know for me - worry has increased over the years - I believe because of becoming a parent and the responsibilities with that. So maybe it is not so much that you worry - but how can you contextualize it properly and manage it.

Also, social networking in and of itself does not lend itself to lonely people - so not sure if you are lonely....but it is more of a curious community and sharing like thoughts, experiences which is more of a support system. As iron sharpens iron so to speak.

Oh and thanks for commenting on my blog as well - johnnyo