Last night we attended a wedding reception. It's a Maui reception of a our dear friend Mikey and her lovely wife Shae. They got married in Oregon, and here on Maui for their honeymoon. Since they have tons of friends here, we had a Maui wedding reception. We've known Mikey since he was a tiny little kid we've seen him grown into a wonderful man of God. I was a bit teary eyed watching their slide show. It's amazing how time flies fast.
There was an open "mic" during the reception, open for greeting, encouragement and advice to the couple. I love giving advice and encouragement to young couples. And speaking in front of a large crowd does not intimidate me. But last night, I held back. Maybe it's because I was trying to be considerate and let others do the "talking", others who are closer to the couple than I am.
And so I was thinking, what would have I said had I stood out there and grab the microphone to speak to the new and young couple? Last night, my thoughts were these:
M and S, if there are two words that I want you to learn and remember tonight in relations to your marriage, I'd say this. Remember the words: conflict resolution. I don't want to be negative, but I want to be realistic - there will come a time in your marriage when you will face a conflict - and what will make the difference is your ability to resolve a conflict. When conflict arises, remember that God is bigger than the conflict and the 3 of you can resolve it. Learn the art of finding a "win win" solution every time there's a conflict. Commit to each other that when a major conflict arise - not one of you will quit or run away from the conflict. Instead, you will put every ounce of your energy resolving it. Learn "not to sweat the small stuff" so learn to resolve small conflict easily. But know that when harder, bigger conflicts arise - it's is good to find a wise counselor to help out.
Now, as I am reading the above paragraph, it's probably good that I did not stand out there and say this in an open mic. It sounds a little bit negative, they might get intimidated :). Maybe I should just write them a note after I "clean up" that unsolicited advice.
Oh my, it's already 6AM. I guess my blogging time is up. I have not even gotten to my other random thoughts yet. Maybe later...maybe tonight....
That's a good word, Liza. You should have shared it just like it is.
I agree with you, Liza. It's one of those things, though, that people don't "get" until after they have gone through it. I think you were wise to stay silent and let them enjoy the romance. They'll crash and burn soon enough like the rest of us. And if they have God, and friends like you to talk to, all will be well.
I think that people are ready for marriage if they do not know how to disagree. Intimate communication and conflict resolution are the two major things I cover im pre-marital counseling.
hi liza, am back! thank you for commenting on some of my posts a while back.
anyway, i would have liked to hear these words if i were the one getting married. i need all the ammunitions and knowledge to face my life ahead. maybe, when my two girls get married someday, i'd borrow your lines. they are 18 and 20 years old. i hope it will not happen in the near future as they are just starting college.
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