Yesterday morning at breakfast I told my husband "You need to take me out on a date". Hubby replied "I do, don't I? Where and when would you like to go?"
Ten years ago, this conversation wouldn't have transpired in our household. I would have been too proud to ask my husband to take me out on a date. In my mind I would be thinking "If he really loves me, HE would ask me out for a date, HE would be planning a date. If I ask him that means I force him to take me out and it's not coming from his heart." Then I would "brew" and my husband would not have the slightest idea what he did wrong. That was before. Not anymore.
The truth is, even if I am the one who initiated the "date" by asking him to take me out, that date could be meaningful. And that date surely would help add zest to our marriage. Through the years I have finally learned that if I want something to happen, i should make a way for it to happen, and if I need something, I should ask. That should not be a big deal (but it was for me in the early part of our marriage).
Too many couples nowadays (especially the ones with small kids) just don't have the time to "go out on a date" by themselves. Sometimes it's too much of a hustle - trying to find a babysitting, trying to find time and energy. Sometimes it seems not worth it to spend the extra money and time. But really, it is - it is worth it.
Romance is very important in marriage. Wives need this more than husbands. However, what husbands must realize is that keeping the romance alive in marriage has a payback. They in turn get a passionate wife who will fulfill their need for passion. A tired, worn out wife who's been with kids all day, or who's worked all day outside of the house and tended to her kids when she comes home won't have much energy left for a passionate night. The best that can happen is just fulfilling the "duty" of the wife to attend to the husbands need for "you know what" in a "let's do it and get over with it" manner.
Back to "date night". We have set this Friday night to be our date night. On this night we'll rekindle friendship and romance. Last real date we had was in July. It's time we have another one :)
If you have the time, take a moment to watch this video by Rob Bell. Listen closely to what he's saying. The full version is available at Amazon, but even with just the exerpt video we'll learn the importance of keeping the 3 flames burning in our marriage. Enjoy!
Enjoy your date night! We are having one Saturday night. Yea!!!! :)
I am also working on realizing that my husband is not a mind reader. It goes both ways. Communication is so important. We've been married for 10 years and we are still a work in progress. ;)
hi liza, i can definitely relate! like you, i now initiate the 'date nights' with my husband. or else, it'll always be a family gathering :D
Thank you. We intend to initiate Date Night in our marriage, now if I could only find the time. Just kidding.
Loved the Rob Bell video. We use his stuff when we teach leadership training school with our JR high youth.
hope you have a lovely evening
The words you write are soooo true! Communication does not come if both spouses are too proud or unwilling to meet the other's needs - even if their need is not being met.
I'm so happy that you get to have a fun date night. We regularly schedule them - sometimes alone, and sometimes a double date.
I'm linking to you, too! Thanks so much!
Date nights are SO important, especially when our kids are young. You're wise to remind your husband of your need, because it's true, dates are more essential for us--and they ignite our passion. (It goes the other direction for our men.)
I enjoyed the Rob Bell video clip too.
Thanks for linking up with Marriage Monday. Please join us again next month!
I hope you enjoyed your date night.
Great post. A lunch date can also be fun. Good initiative. :)
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