Thursday, November 15, 2007

Mommy Meltdown

I have not had a mommy meltdown for a long time, but the other night I did. I had a meltdown - and a mommy tantrums so to speak ...

Hubby was at his Hapkido Class. That day was a busy day for me at work and rushing back and forth after work (dropped off N to Hula Class, back to home - drop off G to tutor - back to home - cook dinner - then pick up N, then pick up G). I was tired and wanted a quite moment when after dinner I sent the kids downstairs to take a bath.

Actually, G is supposed to take a bath in the downstairs bathroom and N in the upstairs bathroom. The peace and quite I was anticipating when they take a bath didn't happen. Instead I heard loud arguments and fighting downstairs, as N wanted to take a bath in the bathroom where G was. Usually I would have gone downstairs and become a mediator until they resolve this conflict calmly. Or I could just have firmly told N she's supposed to take a bath upstairs. But that night, I immediately lost my cool. Bad.... very bad...

Instead of being this calm mediator, I started yelling. When G mumbled some comments on what I have just said, I yelled louder. Then G blamed N for what happened, told her he hated her, and I yelled even louder. I yelled that "we are a family, and families don't hate each other!". As if that's not enough yelling, when G heard about family loving each other, he said that's T's family (our neighbor) not us. And I yelled even louder how I am very disappointed that he said that. I was yelling so hard that both kids started crying. I had to close the bathroom window because I was worried our neighbor would hear my loud screaming and yelling.

Oh, I felt terrible about those yelling. It's not good for my kids, not good at all. I don't like yelling, and I especially don't like yelling at kids. But I was out of control. I was having a tantrum, a meltdown.

A lot of it were from just being exhausted, but a big part of it stems from the guilt inside of me. The guilt of just not doing what I think I should be doing as a mom.... Yes, I am hard on myself - a perfectionist of some sort, and a nervous mom as well. I always want the best for my kids, and many times I don't see the best happening I get stressed.

Thankfully, I was able to turn around. I pulled out from the "yelling crime scene" - and uttered a prayer for me - that the Holy Spirit would help me calm down. He did.

I prayed, breathed, prayed, breathed hard, then went back to my kids. I humbled, I asked forgiveness for yelling, and we prayed together. That was the best thing I did that night. The downward spiral of the meltdown reversed into an upward spiral. I prayed, we hugged, we forgave each other, we understood, and we felt loved....

Mommy meltdowns ... it happens.


Mrs Groovy said...

Such an awesome entry, really. To admit that we all fail at times and then to find forgiveness in your family and with God. Thank you for posting that entry... try not to be too hard on yourself.

Anonymous said...

it does - happen

say spri to them and explain how you were feeling and carry on

U are a good mommy really :)

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Been there, done that, unfortunately. Don't be too hard on yourself. Parenting is a hard gig, my friend! Hugs. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Liza I raised 4 - I understand. We try so hard and sometimes we are emptied. We all want to be the perfect mother and wife. You are human and not perfect "yet".
Our Lord always forgives. The difficult part is forgiving ourselves.
I am now a mother and a grandmother. I try so hard and still fall so short of what I want to be.
You are a good mother and wife. I am proud of you and all you share.
Love you,

MegaMom said...

Mommies are humans too, Liza. Only God can be so perfectly calm and forgiving. The important thing is we know when we make mistakes. Then we can pick up where we left off, and move on.

Anonymous said...

tears fell from eyes when i read this entry, liza. i can relate to it so much. my son is only 3 years old and sometimes i would find myself yelling at him. it's true, we have to really ask the Holy Spirit to cool us down. nothing else will.

Girl Gone Wild - BibleStyle said...

The Holy Spirit isn't called The Comforter for nothing...I know, I've needed some calming and comforting myself this week.

raqgold said...

i could definitely relate... and it really helps to pray

Anonymous said...

Oh Liza all of us moms have those moments, whether we work full time or not! It happens.
I KNOW this working thing can rip at the seams of those mommy heartstrings. I don't know if I ever told you my working mom story, but here it is in a nutshell. After my son was born I continued working, put him in day care at 7weeks!! After my daughter was born 2 years later, I started to go a bit crazy. The stress of full time mom and full time teacher really got to me.
I kept praying about staying home. But hubby wasn't on board with it. So I prayed that God would change his heart if it was something I should do. And one day out of the blue, my hubby said to me I think we should look at you taking a year off and see how that goes. Praise God! I took a year off and then resigned the next year and stayed home for 5 years. It was tough financially, but we were broke and happy. Now I am back full time, and although it's hard at times and I fought it, I do now believe that God has me here. And it is nice to be financially stable.
So I would encourage you to continue to pray, and pray for hubby. Don't feel guilty about where God has you right now.
I love your heart for the Lord and your honesty, I believe God will direct you!!