Friday, May 18, 2007
Sunday Scribbling: Mask
The Pleaser and the Mask
She's feeling pretty worn out. After all, this is their third social event in a row. Being an introvert, she wasn't particularly being energized with these events. In fact, it's draining her energy. Not that she's anti-social. She loves being with friends, and she enjoys social gatherings. But 3 gatherings in a row is a bit too much for her. She knew she needed to re-charge. She knew she needed a quiet time.
Nevertheless, she kept her smile. Yes, it's the mask that she often wears when she has to mingle with people despite her longing for solitude. It's a mask she wears when she wanted to please her husband who is extremely extrovert and loves to hang out with people. Or the mask that she wears when she and her husband had a huge argument and is not doing well and yet she didn't want others to know.
When she finally gets a chance to be alone, she would take off her mask at home and wonders: "was I being a hypocrite?" "is smiling and pretending that everything is ok when it's not, being a hypocrite?" NO...there's a difference.... She's not a "hypocrite", she's a "pleaser".
She caught a glipmse of herself in the mirror and she smiled. This time, there was no mask....
For an interesting article about People Pleaser, go here.
For more scribblings on "mask", go to Sunday Scribblings here.
In case you have an extra time, would you like to vote for the photos I took of Maui Keanae? If so, click here to see the photos and the instruction on how to vote :). Thanks!
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I will read that article about people pleasers because I beleive I am a big one! I guess I must wear that mask too often. great take I really enjoyed it,
Ah, but he who tries to please everyone ends up pleasing no one, including himself or herself! Nice take on the prompt. And while I consider myself fairly sociable, I do find it exhausting to be sociable several nights in a row - it is then the mask is needed.
More socialising means, longer period of masks. Food for thought.
I went over to the article, and I have to say, it hit home. It's awfully hard getting balance here, because as Christians, we are called to put others before ourselves. The boundaries of enough and too much are blurry for me all too many times. But...I guess I need only look up to seek the balance. He knows what's right for me, and what's right for me is probably very different than what's right for another who's also fearfully and wonderfully made. :)
Ah, people pleasing . . . a sure way to burn out eventually.
Very interesting take on the prompt. Great job as always.
i'm a pleaser too, but i usually draw the line somewhere. i speak up more now.
i hope she and the hubby can find a middle ground, and will be able to compromise more :)
I hope you find the boundaries that you need. I, too, am a people pleaser. But as so many before me said, there's no point in it if you end up tired. I hope the fight with the hubby turns out okay. Been there, done that! As far as my Real Simple October issue for trade, it's probably not worth the shipment! When I make my first money from a national magazine, I will do this: I will send you as many of my magazines as I can fit in a flat rate Priority Box. Not much, but it's all on me. And I"ll throw in some cookies, too. Won't that be fun to get? Take care, Liza.
Thanks for all the encouragement.
This scenario is about a year ago. I'd gotten so much better since then. I used the third person pronoun so it won't be coming from me... but from your comments I gather that you all know it's about me :)
The more I have set my bounderies (not be a total pleaser), the more our relationship gets better. Of course this is not the only ingredients that makes it better, but it's definitely part of it.
It's a difficult balance to find. Good luck!
I've been a "pleaser" my whole adult life, but I had to learn that it's important to speak up and say no every now and then. It has done wonders for my mental and emotional well-being! It sounds like you're doing the same. It helps, doesn't it?
I concur. I'm an introvert and mingling with people is at times difficult so I try and appear as someone I'm not even though I'd rather retreat and hide behind my computer! :)
Being an introvert, it makes me very tired to mingle with other people in social gatherings. But my Mom and her siblings are all certified extroverts. When I was young, my siblings and I were made to perform (sing, dance, recite a poem, give a speech, etc.) during big family reunions. It was pure torture!
I used to be a "pleaser" so as not to offend my Mom. But now, I say "no" when I don't feel like going to this party or that party. It's more healthy that way. I don't want to be somebody else anymore; I want to be myself.
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