Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Five Levels Of Communication and Understanding Your Wife

It's time for "Works For Me Wednesday" and as I was thinking of what I can share, I occurred to me that learning about these five levels of communication (which I posted earlier today) worked for me. It is sort of an eye opener. I was able to pin point where my husband and I are in our marriage (in terms of the level of communication), and now I know what goals to set to improve our marriage. So bloggy friends, I am using this as my Works For Me Wednesday post and if you want more tips, juts hop to Rocks In My Dryer and there are hundreds of posts on what works :). Here's what works for me: Understanding the 5 Levels of Communication:

Every relationship is a journey ... through five levels of communication … toward the desired destination of intimacy. This requires effort! Intimacy often does not come naturally because men and women are inherently different. Men tend to desire more independence, whereas women more social interaction.

There are five levels of communication:

(1) CLICHES - Typical, routine, oft repeated comments, questions and answers given out of habit and with no real forethought or genuine intent. "How are you?" "Fine." "Having a good day?" "Yes."

(2) FACTS - Information/Statistics about the weather, the office, friends, the news, personal activities, etc. Requires no in depth thinking or feeling.

(3) OPINIONS - Includes concerns, expectations, and personal goals, dreams, and desires. Due to differences of opinion that naturally arise between two people, especially between men and women, this is typically the level at which we run into the "wall of conflict."

(4) FEELINGS - Having gone through the "wall of conflict" via applying the communication skills following, you both feel safe to share your deepest emotions.

(5) NEEDS - The deepest level of communication and intimacy where you feel completely safe to reveal your unique needs with each other. Truly, unless needs are known and met, a couple will remain "strangers."

Many lacking the skills to make it through the "wall of conflict" revert back to the first two levels of communication and never truly get to know each other and satisfy needs. Lack of passion towards each other is in direct proportion to lack of effective, constructive confrontation! Sharing feelings and needs makes one "vulnerable" and can/will only be done where there is a feeling of mutual trust .

This is an excerpt form an article found on this website. Go there for the continuation - it's a good read. Something I should be "applying" in our marriage right now.

Don't miss a really great article called "I Will Never Understand My Wife" by Steven James (every husbands should read ).


Tim said...

Good post. I need to think about this. Too good not to use it.

Anonymous said...

Love this! Have a blessed day, Whitney

Brooke said...

interesting how communication changes going from a dating couple to an engaged couple planning a wedding. i look forward to the married couple conversations! although i am a little fearful of the unknown and how everything will change.

Sherry @ Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Thank you so much for sharing this! I so want a deeper level of communication with husband. :D

Audra Krell said...

Thanks again for posting this, we need a whole lot more like this, it's important that we relearn how to treat our husbands!