Thursday, April 9, 2009

To Be Where You Want Me To Be ...

Any of you familiar with that song? For some reasons, I had been singing that in my head the moment I woke up this morning.  Here's the longer excerpt of the lyrics:

To be where you want me to be dear Lord
To stay where you want me to stay...
To go where you want me to go
I will follow you
Lord, show me the way...
Your way....

I usually use the phrase "I don't know why", "out of the blue" and "for some reasons" when I am uncertain about stuff. The truth is many times, when I say I don't know why, I kinda know why, when  say out of the blue, there's actually usually a trigger, and when I say for some reasons I kinda have an inkling of the reasons why....

I am contemplating on returning to the workforce and just abandoning my desire to be a full-time mom, because  even when I am supposedly at home full time right now, it's a different  "full time". I am more at home but when I am at home my focus is to develop a home business that would keep me at home. So my body is here but many times my mind is away - many times thinking of how I can make my home business successful...  

To be where you want me to be dear Lord
To stay where you want me to stay...
To go where you want me to go
I will follow you
Lord, show me the way...
Your way....


We "need" to refinance our house. Do we really need to? No, not need. But it would be wise, because it is kinda foolish not to take advantage of the lowest mortgage rate available right now - an all time low - and there's only a small window of opportunity to do that before it goes back up again. But my "unemployment" would greatly reduce our chances of being approved for re-financing our mortgage. I have to have a "real job".

To be where you want me to be dear Lord
To stay where you want me to stay...
To go where you want me to go
I will follow you
Lord, show me the way...
Your way....


I am truly amazed when I see and meet working moms who are so together. I am in awe of them. I feel guilty whenever I see and talk to working moms who do not "whine" about their being a working mom like I did, or doing. I should be hanging out with those moms so that their influence would rub off on me (my two sister-in-laws works full time and never whines about it even though I know they would love to stay at home with the kids). I should really stop "whining". I think many of the working moms who don't whine about their being a working mom honors their husband by not talking stink about it. I should try to be like them.

To be where you want me to be dear Lord
To stay where you want me to stay...
To go where you want me to go
I will follow you
Lord, show me the way...
Your way....


I really am wishing I can go back to the Philippines to visit my family. I am filing my application for Visa tomorrow as a step of faith.  At this time that I am unemployed I can't do that yet, but maybe when I return to the workforce I would.

To be where you want me to be dear Lord
To stay where you want me to stay...
To go where you want me to go
I will follow you
Lord, show me the way...
Your way...
.

***
After re-reading my post I thought some family and friends might worry about me. I am ok, actually good. This blog is my "reflecting space" so do not be alarm when you read some "mellow" reflections like this. It's good, just having some quiet moments thinking and praying out loud :)


5 comments:

One Woman's Journey said...

I am so much further down the road Lize and I still just want "To Be Where You Want Me To Be..." It never ends. You will be fine and all will work out. Happy Easter to you and yours.

Joe and Karen said...

I understand. Pressed down, but not destroyed.
Love you so, Karen

Charity Childs-Gevero said...

I love how you always share Christian songs and lyrics with us all... :))) Thank you. :)))

Coconut Girl Connie said...

i am so where you are right now. my kids are grown, but i wanted to stay home for my grandkids...after 9 months i am now vascillating and thinking about returning to the work force...to be where you want me, Lord. thank you for your willingness to share your heart, it ministers to me.

Rena said...

Blessings as God leads you just where He wants you to be!