“Specs” for Mother
Stymied Even God
by Erma Bombeck
When the Good Lord was creating Mothers He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And the Lord said, “Have you read the spec on this order?”
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic.
Have 180 moveable parts . . . all replaceable.
Run on black coffee and leftovers.
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up.
A kiss that cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair.
And six pair of hands.
The angel shook his head slowly and said, “Six pair of hands . . . no way.”
“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems, “ said the Lord. “It’s the three pair of eyes that Mothers have to have.”
That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. “One pair sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are the kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones in the front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
“Lord,” said the angel touching His sleeve gently, “Come to bed. Tomorrow . . .”
“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to Myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick . . can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger . . . and can get a 9-year-old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a Mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” he sighed.
“But tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this Mother can do or endure.”
“Not only think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran his finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” he pronounced. “I told you You were trying to put too much into this model.”
It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?”
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride.”
“You are a genius,” said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there.”
About this post: This is my husband's favorite Mothers Day story. His dad cut an article of this from a newspaper and gave it to their mom on Mother's Day. We still have that clipping at home. My husband's father died when my hubby was 19, and this clipping is one of those special mementos we keep.
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